


Whiskey Margarita

by Unicornsandrainbows



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Demon Deals, Empty Nest Syndrome, Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad with a Happy Ending, bc mary deserves better and so does joseph and the dadsona, depressed dadsona, kinda angsty, pls don't judge this for the demon deals I swear its still a fix it and joseph isn't evil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsandrainbows/pseuds/Unicornsandrainbows
Summary: After Amanda left for college, Raymond has the potentially worst depressive episode of his life. It's his best friend Craig who drags him out of his house again. Raymond's life seems pretty tolerable for a while, especially since he started to see Robert. Sure, they both have a lot of emotional baggage to work through, but it's easier together.Things are actually pretty good until Joseph suddenly shows up in front of his door, blood on his face and begging for Raymond's help to fix the biggest mistake he ever made in his life.This can be read as just Robert/Dadsona, I'll let you guys know when Joseph will show up so you can stop reading if you don't want to see anything but mentally ill knife dad and dadsona heal together! The fic starts after you got Josephs not-cult-ending





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I actually had the motivation to write something and upload it one day, I guess this game is pretty motivating. I wrote most of this chapter at 1am, kinda drunk after making myself a whiskey margarita just to see if that's a thing you can drink without gagging (you can.)

Raymond was curled up on the sofa, eating ice cream for dinner, straight from the container like every very sad or very immature person would, while watching ice road ghost truckers. It was his favorite episode, but somehow he couldn’t really bring himself to enjoy it on his own. He’s never watched this episode alone before, there has always been someone to get excited with him - first Alex, then their daughter Amanda. Now he was alone with his ice cream and the TV and not much else, honestly.

The past month had been rough. Since Amanda moved out the house was awfully quiet and without a child to take care of he didn’t really know what to do with himself. What was even worse was the lack of motivation to keep going. With Amanda around he had to function. Getting dressed in the morning, taking showers regularly, seeing other dads so your kids have fun together, going grocery shopping and cooking to the best of his abilities (which, he had to admit, weren’t that good) had been his responsibility no matter what. But now there was no one who cared about the growing pile of empty pizza cartons in the kitchen, or if he walked around the house in the same pyjamas for an entire week. There wasn’t anyone forcing him to socialize either and being the antisocial shut in he was he hadn’t even bothered to check his dadbook messages. He had left the house a total of three times, once to go grocery shopping and twice more to go to the next atm machine so he had cash to pay the various delivery guys after he gave up a healthy diet completely. Despite basically eating greasy foods only he had lost quite some weight, just because his meals were irregular and he had a hard time getting anything down some days.Raymond refused to admit it, but part of the reason he avoided leaving his house as much as possible was that he really didn’t want to run into Joseph. He couldn’t stand his fake smile anymore, not after he had used him to get away from his miserable marriage for one night and then just left him to deal with that additional loss.

The worst part was the horrible lack of distraction. For the first time since Alex died he was actually left alone with his thoughts and the bottled up grief from several years. There hadn’t been a time to cry excessively when there was a small child waiting for him. There hadn’t been a time to break down, and now it all came back to him, worse than before. He had believed he was over Alex' death by now, at least sort of, as much over it as possible. And maybe he was - the feelings he had developed for Joseph had been very real. And yet he was sitting here, crying, hugging a pint of ice cream at 3 in the morning. He’d love to blame Joseph for just how bad he was feeling but he just couldn’t even get mad at him. He probably made the right choice trying to fix his marriage for the kid’s sake. But having him around had felt so safe and happy and while they were still officially friends Raymond hadn’t talked to him since Amanda’s graduation party. Not that he had talked to anyone else, really, his only human interaction were Skype calls from Amanda. Raymond sighed and curled even tighter around his almost empty ice cream container. Maybe he should try whiskey instead of ice cream next time.

\---

Raymond had no recollection of falling asleep, but when a loud noise disrupted his soft snores, his living room was suddenly brightly lit by the sun shining through the windows. He groaned, his dad body was still wrapped around the ice cream pint, the ice cream a sticky liquid by now. He tried to stretch his sore muscles as carefully as humanly possible but everything still hurt. He was definitely too old to sleep in fetal position on the couch. The same loud noise startled him so much that he dropped the container and melted ice cream splattered all over himself and his carpet. Shit. He blinked, trying to make sense of whatever was going on. There was the noise again, followed by a muffled “I swear to God, Raymond, if you don’t open up right now I’ll kick down your door!” Oh. Someone was knocking.

He groggily made his way to the front door and opened it just far enough to stick his head out, which was probably bad enough, his hair was kinda greasy and sticked up in every possible direction. Craig was standing in front of him, for once in his life without River, and unusual sight.

"Bro, you look like shit", he mumbled and was already letting himself in, gently pushing Raymond aside on his way. If it was anyone else, Raymond probably would have objected. A lot. People weren't supposed to see him like this, but Craig wasn't just anyone. He had shared a room with him through college. Craig had seen worse, and he still hadn't abandoned him for anything he'd done so far, so this was probably fine.

Raymond realized he should probably say something instead of quietly staring at his bro who seemed a bit overwhelmed at the sight of his living room.

"Fuck, Raymond, I assumed it's bad since I haven't seen you around and you didn't answer my messages either but.. quite frankly, this is worse than bad" 

It was strange to hear the fit, perfect dad Craig swear. Kegstand Craig used to swear, but not this Craig. Raymond guessed it was an appropriate to this mess though. 

"I - I'm sorry, I should've called y-", before he could finish his awkward apology for basically everything he did during the past month except breathing, two strong arms pulled him into a hug. 

"Shh, bro, it's fine. Deep breaths. I'm here now, we'll get through this"

Raymond could feel himself leaning into his friend's embrace, relaxing a bit. Maybe he wasn't completely alone after all. He seemed to have at least one friend. Thinking about it made him tear up again and soon he was crying softly while the other man held him and continued to whisper soothing words.


	2. Chapter 2

They stood like this for quite a while until Raymond finally stopped crying  and let go of Craig. 

"Thanks for looking after me, bro", he mumbled  and took a small step back to see the other's face at least a bit better, though it was still slightly blurry without his glasses.

"Hey, anytime. Why don't you go take a shower, I'll throw out as many pizza cartons as I can manage, and if you feel like it we can go grocery shopping together afterwards. I'd just have to get River first, I can't leave her to the twins all the time"

Raymond only managed a nod. Taking a shower seemed manageable, but a shower and grocery shopping? He'd need a long nap after this. Just thinking about it was stressful and exhausting. How did he even do all that stuff when Amanda was still around? 

Craig realized that Raymond was already overwhelmed and put a hand on his friends shoulder. "Hey, bro, just go take your shower, we can do the shopping tomorrow, I guess another day of eating pizza won't make a difference anymore either. Baby steps, alright?"

That sounded way more manageable. He let out a relieved sigh before he nodded again and went upstairs to take a shower and put some fresh clothes on.

When he came back to the living room it actually looked like his living room again. Craig was in the kitchen doing some dishes, all the cartons and empty water glasses and bottles where gone.

"Wow, thanks man. You didn't have to do, you know, all that" Raymond made a vague gesture around the room that Craig would hopefully understand,  even if he wasn't quite sure what exactly he meant himself.

"It's no big deal. Do you think you can handle grocery shopping? Or at least going outside and just getting some fresh air. Really, you can't just stay inside the house forever, and this won't fix itself either. Remember  when you didn't leave our room for two weeks and I had to tell everyone that you caught our foreign exchange student's strange cough. If I hadn't dragged you out at some point you'd probably still live in that room"

Raymond did remember. He also remembered that Craig had basically kidnapped him to leave the room, as in physically dragged him out of it and brought him to a party without listening to his protests. Looking back it was actually kind of funny and he grinned at his bro.

"I guess I would, but you overdid it a bit with forcing me to go to that party. That night was horrible, the party was horrible, and we got into a fist fight but I don't remember what it was about anymore."

He sighed, Craig was probably right about going outside, but he really didn't want to. He was ready for another nap, or an episode of ice road ghost truckers, but after his friend already cleaned the kitchen and the living room for him he should probably take his advice and leave the house for a bit. 

"I guess I can manage a walk? If you let me take a nap afterwards at least."

\----

The walk had been surprisingly nice, but Raymond was still exhausted after it. Craig had dragged him and his kids to a small diner before he got the kids back to his house and walked Raymond home. Before he could get inside Craig held him back. He looked kinda uncomfortable, like he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing.

"Hey bro. Uh. I know you're all grown up and all, but like, maybe you need help"

"What do you mean?", Raymond asked, a bit confused. Sure, he had a few bad habits to work on, and maybe he wasn't super great at taking care of himself, but it wasn't that bad, was it? 

"Bro. I don't know how to put this. You're definitely not doing well and I'm not an expert but have you considered maybe seeing a therapist? Because what I've seen today looks like the epitome of depression. And it's totally your decision what you'll do about it, if you decide to do anything. Just know that I'll support you, okay? You're like family, bro, I don't want to see you live on a junk food only diet while avoiding the outsides at all cost. That's not good for you. And, well, I worry about you"

"I. I'll consider it. thank you"

Really Raymond? Way to go. He cursed himself and his inability to form coherent sentences sometimes. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Craig's support; everything just seemed a bit too much and he was feeling a lot and his brain didn't really catch up quite yet. He felt guilty for making Craig worry in the first place, and for not going out more, and just generally letting himself go, but also tired from just taking a walk, and kinda lonely because the only one who apparently noticed that he hasn't been seen for a month was Craig. But he was also so grateful that Craig looked after him, and that no one else had seen him like that. There was the confusing possibility of maybe needing - and getting professional help; he'd never really considered that an option before. Everything seemed to be happening at once, and he was just kind of there, existing.

Given his absolute inability to voice all of his thoughts he just pulled his friend in for a quick hug and patted his back twice before letting go again.

"Today was nice. See you around?"

Craig nodded before he looked at his watch. "The twins are probably wondering where I am, I should get going. Call me if you need anything. And also please go grocery shopping tomorrow, I'm begging you bro, my inner health nut can't even begin to express how absolutely horrifying your food intake is"

They both laughed before they finally said goodbye, Raymond going back to his couch and Craig to his kids. He had a lot to think about but first he needed a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. I feel like my chapters are too short and I'm rushing things, but in my head in already at the final ending of the story and it's all planned out and it's so hard to not rush things. If I'm too fast please just let me know. I'm trying. I guess it'd be easier if I didn't have the attention span of a goldfish but we can't always get what we want


	3. Chapter 3

It was dark outside when Raymond woke up again. So much for taking a short nap; a quick glance at his watch revealed that it was almost  midnight.  He had slept for nearly 8 hours. At least he felt well rested for once.

After successfully untangling his legs from the blanket he got up and stretched. His stomach grumbled, and even tho he knew his fridge would be almost empty he walked over to the kitchen and took a look anyway. A glass of marinara sauce, a jar of mustard, and a half empty bottle of orange juice was all that was left in his fridge. For a split second he thought about drinking the marinara sauce, after all he knew that people could survive that, but then decided against it. He wasn’t Craig, he wasn’t in college anymore, and he might be used to an unhealthy diet but this was too much.

He settled for the orange juice, but after taking one sip of it he immediately spit it into the kitchen sink. This wasn’t juice anymore, this was orange wine or something. How long had this been in the fridge anyway? Raymond poured the rest of it down the drain and sighed. He should’ve gone grocery shopping with Craig when he had the chance.

His stomach grumbled again. Man, he was really hungry. Where did you get food at this unholy time, in a small city, preferably within the next ten minutes? Most delivery places just took a bit too long to deal with that now, so he’d have to go out. Jim and Kim’s should probably still be open, right? He hadn’t actually been there since meeting Mary and having a rather unpleasant conversation with her, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He was going out to get something to eat, not to socialize.

Jim and Kim’s might not be the nicest place if you looked at it objectively but Raymond had liked the cozy atmosphere from the first evening. Sure, it was small, and not the cleanest bar in the world, and the food wasn’t really great, but they always showed The Game when it was The Season and some other game during the rest of the year.

So he’d go to Jim and Kim’s for a late night dinner. Alright. Nothing big. He’d just have to get dressed and maybe comb his hair, Raymond could manage that.

It took him a while to convince himself to actually get moving and his brain was coming up with the 14th worst case scenario of what could happen when he went out by the time he walked out of the door. What if he met Mary. What if she’d flirt with him again. What if she told him again how he ruined her marriage. What if Robert was there and hated him too? He was friends with Mary after all. What if Neil hated him for some reason?

Raymond shook his head and continued walking. The thought of a cold beer and greasy fries kept him going, and soon enough he was sitting in one of the high bar chairs sipping his beer. The Game was already over, but quite a few fans were still celebrating the victory of their Team. He was glad that the place was just busy enough that no one really paid any attention to him.

Someone slipped into the chair next to him, but he didn’t bother to look up from his pretty disgusting fries. They were soggy and greasy and there was too much ketchup but at the same time the ketchup was the only thing that made them edible in the first place. Exactly the kind of fries you would expect from a place like Jim and Kim’s, honestly.

“Hey”

Raymond still didn’t look up, the chances that someone was actually talking to him were slim and he really didn’t want to socialize, but then there was a hand on his shoulder and ignoring that was just too rude, even for him. It was Robert. He was kinda smiling. Okay, it was more of a smirk, but Robert didn’t smile often so that was probably a good sign that he didn’t hate Raymond.

“Uh, hey”, he greeted, turning slightly towards Robert. Man this was awkward already. They had met a few times before the thing with Joseph happened, but it had been a while.

“How are you doing?”, he asked, regretting it immediately. He knew that Robert hated small talk. Why did he even ask this. He clearly wasn’t used to his quiet company anymore.To his surprise Robert didn’t look too annoyed.

“I think I should be the one asking that question. You just disappeared, thought the dover ghost got you.”

Man, Robert was still full of shit. Raymond couldn’t help but chuckle; he had missed the other’s strange stories. For some ungodly reason he felt like playing along with Robert’s story this time.

“Oh, it did get me. Dragged me into the Forrest, deep, so deep that it was just dark, no stars, no sunlight, nothing”, Raymond started, his face dead serious. He couldn’t quite read Robert’s expression, maybe something between disbelief and amusement, but it only made him try harder.

“It has a cave there, you know? I tried to find the exit, but only got more and more lost in the tunnels. Sometimes I’d step on some poor soul’s bones and had to listen to them break, or stumble upon a decaying body” he shivered  for dramatic purpose. This was actually kind of funny, Raymond started to understand why Robert was so obsessed with telling obviously fake cryptid stories.

"Finally, exhausted and starving, I found an exit, but the ghost was after me. It can’t go into open sunlight, and the exit I found was in a lighter part of the woods, so it couldn’t follow me out, but it tried to grab my wrist to drag me back” Robert was still listening intently, but he was obviously having a hard time holding back a laugh.

“You don’t believe me?” Raymond rolled up his sleeve to reveal a rather fresh scar on his wrist. He actually got it while trying to pull his last pizza out of the oven (not a self made one, but sometimes he preferred to reheat his leftover pizza slices instead of eating them cold and soggy). Robert was actually laughing now and he couldn't  help but join him.

They sat in companionable silence after that until Robert spoke up again.

“For real tho, are you alright? I’ve tried to message you, even asked Craig if he knew why you suddenly disappeared but he didn’t know anything either…”

Oh. He had made Robert worry, hadn’t he? Raymond hadn’t thought that was a thing he could do. Or that Robert cared about him at all.

“I.. yeah, I’ve been doing okay. Just, lots of extra work to afford Amanda moving and college and all that”, he lied, and then stopped himself. “Actually, no, I haven’t been alright. I just spend the entire month doing nothing because I have no idea what to do with myself”

Robert put his hand on his back again. “Wanna go to the thinking spot? No whittling this time, no bleeding to death, just some peace and quiet. Or some cryptid hunting, who knows”

Raymond wanted to decline, to say that he should be going to bed, that he just came out of his cave for food, but after the sudden honesty he didn’t have enough energy to say no anymore, so he just nodded and let Robert guide him to his truck, one arm wrapped around his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda trying to update this every second day but I can already see myself falling behind of that schedule. Enjoy it while I still have enough self discipline to update regularly


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I'd update every 2nd day?  
> Seems like you'll get stuff daily until I go to Berlin for a week bc I already feel like I gave to compensate for that ^^'

The thinking spot was just how Raymond remembered it, quiet and a bit scary after they heard the howl and saw that thing one night, but still oddly calming. Beneath them blinked the lights of the city and above them stretched the night sky. 

Robert had thrown a blanket on the bed of his truck so they could sit a bit more comfortable while silently watching the scenery. At some point he had gotten a bottle of whiskey that he apparently kept in his truck and they had started to pass the bottle until it was suddenly empty.

Raymond sighed. This was nice, he was pleasantly drunk, the blanket was big enough to lay down comfortably and just watch the stars, and with Robert laying next to him it wasn't even that cold. Still pretty chilly because he hadn’t planned to spend the night outside, but he didn’t mind too much. 

"Robert?"

"Hmm?"

"How did you deal with suddenly living on your own after.. Val moved away and your wife..." Raymond trailed off. He wasn't quite sure why he asked in the first place because Robert was very obviously not dealing very well with it, drinking and smoking and sleeping all day and having random one night stands and all. He didn't really want that for himself, though he had to admit that emptying a bottle of whiskey did help him relax and not feel sad for now.

Robert shifted a bit next to him until they were facing each other rather than the stars above them.  
"Well, I guess you know about the not so great habits I have," they both chuckled at that, "but what actually helped instead of just repressing it for a bit was going out and seeing other people. Remembering that I'm not the only person on the planet who struggles and feels lonely, you know? I mostly mean Mary, to be honest. We might not talk about a lot of emotional stuff, but at least I'm talking with someone."

Robert stopped himself, this was getting a bit too personal and probably wasn't super helpful for Raymond either.

"Uh. Also Betsy. You know, getting a dog means leaving the house for a walk at least twice a day and while you can order pizza for yourself you have to go grocery shopping eventually to buy dog food"

They were silent again after that, both lost in their own thoughts. When it somehow got even colder they snuggled closer together so that they could lay on one half of the blanket and use the other half to keep them warm; they were both far too drunk to consider driving home. Eventually they fell asleep like that.

\----

Robert had dropped him off in the morning and made him promise to leave the house every once in a while. A still groggy Raymond had agreed before he limped into his house. He was too old for sleeping outside, on a relatively hard surface and without really moving all night for a lack of space. He had believed that curling up on the sofa was bad for his back, but heck, this was bad for every single part of his old dad body.

Somehow he managed to drag himself upstairs for a hot shower, without the alcohol in his system and Robert snuggled against his back he was freezing.

While the hot water was running over his body he began to think about the mess that was yesterday. If even Robert had worried about his absence, what did the rest of the neighborhood think? He pushed the thought aside, tried to relax and enjoy the feeling of warmth. 

When he finally stepped out of the shower he felt ready to go straight back to bed, but it was just 11am and he should really work on his sleeping schedule. He still didn’t have anything to eat in his house. He could go to the coffee spoon and have something to eat there, but he didn't really want to talk with Mat, or anyone else, for at least a few more hours, so he convinced himself that grocery shopping was the lesser evil and also absolutely necessary.

After successfully refilling his fridge and a few kitchen cabinets he just made himself a bowl of cereal. Everything else was just too much work for his sleep-deprived, hungover self. Even the third cup of coffee didn't really do much to help with his exhaustion and soon enough he found his way back into his bed.

Just a short nap maybe? No. No he had a sleeping schedule to fix. He sighed, it was still way too early to call Amanda, which he hadn't done in a few days. Maybe his computer could be a distraction, just enough to keep him awake. 

He turned on his laptop and logged into dadbook just to regret it immediately. He had no less than 67 new messages. Eight were from Joseph. He deleted them without reading a single one; they might be officially still friends but Raymond didn't want to hear anything from that guy.

The next 23 were all from Craig, starting with a harmless 'how are you doing' and then getting more and more worried until the last one which was sent yesterday morning and warned him that Craig would kick down his door if he didn't open it for him. Oh. Raymond was glad that he had opened the door before that happened.

The only other person who had messaged him quite frequently was Robert, partially because of his tendency to send five messages at once, but also because he obviously really tried to contact him. Raymond hoped that he was alright, he hadn't seemed unusually unhappy last night but Robert was hard to read. He wrote a quick message thanking him for last night and asked to hang out again soon. Robert was probably asleep now, but his company wasn't so draining. Maybe because Raymond didn't feel like he had to pretend to be happy. 

Everyone else only left a few messages, asking to hang out, how he was doing, if everything was alright. Nothing unexpected. He answered most of them, told them that he had needed some alone time and that he was fine now, even though he still really didn't feel fine. Maybe Craig was right and he should look for a therapist.


	5. Chapter 5

A quick Google search revealed that the closest counselor to his location was Joseph fucking Christiansen. Raymond wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. Of course, perfect neighbor Joseph, cool youth minister, a good friend to all, was a counselor too. Well, an actual therapist was probably more helpful right now anyway. And while he was already searching, he might as well look for someone who was relatively far away from here, because honestly, who would believe him that Joseph flirted with him, told him he broke up with his wife, fucked him on his yacht and then told him he had been in love with his wife the entire time? Definitely no one who knew Joseph already. 

He kept himself busy with looking for possible therapists who could help him with whatever was going on and finally worked up the courage to call one that sounded good enough.

A nice woman answered his call and they made an appointment for next week. Raymond was surprised how soon that was, but also glad that he didn't have to wait longer and didn't have more time to worry about what could go wrong. He was scared enough of this already, his brain would only make it worse if he had too much time to ovetthink this.

Raymond wrote down the time and date of his appointment as well as the address before he went back to the kitchen. It was time for dinner and then he could finally sleep again.

The fridge was slightly overwhelming sight; he had to actually choose what to eat. He wasn't used to this anymore. After staring at all the options for a bit he finally settled for a sandwich, simple and fast and not too much effort, an obvious choice.

Dinner felt horribly lonely again, but the TV created enough background noise to make it bearable before he crawled back into his bed. It was too quiet, no muffled laughter from Amanda (upon being asked what was so funny, she had tried to explain to him that there was a website named tumblr full of memes. To this date Raymond had still no idea what exactly she was referring to). In the silence he noticed the absence of someone next to him even more, and before he finally fell asleep he cried a bit more over all his loneliness.

\----

The week passed without any big events. He actually managed to leave the house at least sometimes, mostly because his friends asked him to do something. He went cryptid hunting with Robert, though by now he suspected that was just a cover up for walking Betsy in the middle of the night when no one else was walking their dog. He had a small barbecue with Craig, just the two of them and his kids, and afterwards he stayed to watch a movie with them and convinced Craig to eat some potato chips and let the twins have some too. Craig's healthy life style was great and all but sometimes his bro needed to just let go for a bit.

Before he could really think about it (though he still hadn't done much) the week had passed and it was time to go his appointment. Hell he was nervous about this. Probably actually more anxious. At least it filled him with jittery energy, enough to take a shower, enough to get him to leave the house and drive over to the next city half an hour early, just in case he had to search for the address a bit longer or couldn't find a place to park the car, or there was a traffic jam. 

Suddenly Raymond wasn't so sure if half an hour early was early enough. What if he was late. His mind was racing and his palm sort of sweaty on the stirring wheel but he took a few deep breaths and tried his very best to keep driving but his brain wouldn't shut up.

When he arrived at the building he was still half an hour early. He groaned and leaned back in the driver's seat. Could he go in already without making a fool of himself? Probably not. He hid his face in his hands and sighed. This was already exhausting and he wasn't even talking with anyone yet.

He used the leftover time to regain some self control and then lose the battle against anxiety again before he finally left his car and and went inside.

He left the small building an hour later and only felt more miserable than before. The appointment had gone pretty well until he had corrected his therapist - whose fake smile was getting creepy at that point - that Alex wasn't his dead wife but his dead husband, that Amanda was their biological daughter anyway because while he himself wasn't trans some people are, and that no, he didn't think that his homosexual life style was part of the problem.

As soon as he was back in his car he was just angry. He wanted to throw rocks at things again. He wanted to scream and hit things but he couldn't do any of it right now. Instead he drove home and called Robert as soon as he stepped inside. It might be too early to go throw rocks at things but it was never too early to cuddle with Betsy, drink whiskey straight from the bottle and get educated on movies.


	6. Chapter 6

Robert had asked to give him 20 minutes to 'get ready' and while Raymond wasn't really sure what there was to get ready for he waited for a bit before walking over to his friend. Before he could even ring the bell he could already hear the clicking sound of Betsy's tiny claws on wooden floor followed by a single  bark, muffled through the door. Betsy was such a good girl. Robert's steps followed directly after, then the door swung open. 

Raymond couldn’t help but stare at Robert  who had opened the door shirtless, just wearing surprisingly clean looking jeans. He was surprisingly well built for someone his age with a drinking problem. Like, really well built actually. There was the scar that he already knew, the one he'd gotten while riding his bike with Val, but there were a few others, the most prominent one looking like it was from a human  bite. What the fuck. A few drops of water were running down his shoulders, his hair was still wet...

Robert cleared his throat. He grinned at Raymond who finally looked up and blushed a bit. 

"Like what you see?"

Oh god. Be cool Raymond be cool.

 "Uh. Did you take a shower for me?" 

Ehh, close enough. Not Robert's level of coolness, but at least a valid point and he hadn't made a complete fool of himself.

His friend laughed and finally stepped aside to let him in. 

"Sure did. You're leaving your house without being asked to do so or being forced by your own needs, thought I had to make an effort to be a bit better at existing too"

"Beware of Raymond Stein, an example of healthy habits, idol to all fathers in the neighborhood "

They laughed, but Robert looked like he partially still believed it. Raymond suddenly remembered their conversation about being a good dad, how Robert had believed he was a perfect father for Amanda. He was pretty sure the last month had proven that he really wasn't that great, not just as a dad but as a human being in general. 

They sat down on the couch; Robert picked a movie that he insisted would be amazing while Raymond busied himself with petting Betsy. The small dog excitedly wagged her tiny tail and flopped down next to him. Robert pressed a glass of whiskey in his hand, put the bottle between them and started the movie. 

They watched in silence. Raymond tried his best to focus on the TV, but about halfway through the bottle (and hopefully also the movie) Robert leaned his head against him, still shirtless, his damp hair leaving a wet spot on his shoulder. Raymond let out a content sigh. This was nice, even though it was basically impossible to focus on the movie when there was a dog to pet and Robert so close to him and still some frustration and anger buried under a thin layer of alcohol. 

Robert spoke up again during the credits. 

"So... why did you want to hang out?"

"I like you and enjoy your company?", Raymond offered. It was true, but didn't sound convincing, not even to himself. 

His friend just raised an eyebrow. He definitely didn't look convinced either. 

"I also had my first therapist appointment this morning, and it was shit, and I wanted to throw rocks at things, but we both know I suck at throwing and it's not really something you do during the day anyway. So I called you because spending time with you is the next best thing and also because I wanted to pet Betsy"

"Admit it, you're only here for the dog"

Raymond flinched at that before he saw his friend's smile and relaxed again. He was joking. Thank God he was just joking he didn't have to explain himself and why he actually did like his friend everything was fine. 

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but you just don't have enough fur to compete with her. Though opening the door shirtless was nice enough that I'd visit you without the dog too"

"Seriously tho. You seemed pretty upset when you called. Is everything alright?"

Raymond sighed. So he was that easy to read, huh? He might as well tell his friend what was going on, he was obviously just trying to help.

"She, uh. I talked a bit about myself, and about Alex, and it felt super strange to talk about it with a stranger. And then she asked about my dead wife Alex, and I had to tell her he was my husband, and it would've been awkward no matter what but then she suddenly didn't even try to fake smile anymore. We tried to continue after that, but then she asked at what age we adopted Amanda, but panda isn't adopted, you know, she's our biological daughter. And she got really pale and asked if I ever considered that maybe my lifestyle caused my mental health issues. And like, if she said it in a different voice I probably would've agreed. My sleeping schedule and eating habits and lack of social interaction are probably affecting my mental health. But she said it in that 'homosexuality is a lifestyle' kinda voice, you know what I mean?"

Robert had listened intently and pulled him into a hug as soon as he was sure he finished talking. They sat like that for a while. Raymond felt a bit calmer until he became painfully aware of the fact that he was leaning against Robert's naked torso. He selfishly stayed right there a bit longer before he convinced himself to finally pull back, blushing a bit. Robert was his friend, he really shouldn't enjoy this sort of physical closeness so much. 

 

"Okay, so you tried therapy, it went really really bad, it's time to try something else."

"What?" Raymond looked confused. Robert looked more motivated than he had ever seen him before, even more excited than he had been for their cryptid hunts. Suspicious. He hadn't even know he was capable of looking like this, his face reminded him of Amanda right before her first school trip to the zoo.

"Let's get you a dog"

Without even waiting for his answer her got up, put a shirt on and slipped into his jacket.

"I tried one therapist that happened to be a major dick but that doesn't mean therapy is useless!" Raymond followed  him despite his words, slipping into his shoes. He had thought about it, last week already, after meeting Robert at the bar, and yeah, a dog was maybe not the worst idea, he had to admit that.

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that. No one's stopping you from owning a dog and seeing a shrink. You're in dear need for company and I don't have the energy to take a shower every day just so I can open the door shirtless and still be not quite as good as a dog. Besides, maybe you won't even find one you like, but it's worth a try"

"Robert, this is dogs were talking about. It'll be much harder to find one I won't like"

"Fair enough. Let's go"

Before Raymond could really think about it they were already in the truck and on their way to the shelter. What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to Berlin tomorrow, I'm hoping to find an apartment there because I'll start studying in October, so I might not update as frequently for a week. I'm sorry guys, I'll try my best to write whenever I can


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write an entire chapter on the train

Soon enough they arrived at the shelter - it was basically next to the cul-de-sac, Raymond wasn't quite sure why they took the car instead of just walking two blocks, but now they were here. Should he really get a dog? Was he even able to take care of a living thing? People did tell him that he did a pretty good job raising Amanda, but when she had been small Alex had helped him and after that kids weren't too difficult. Sure, the boy band obsession phase and middle school in general had been quite an experience, but before and after those years panda had been an amazing daughter. A dog wouldn't ever get beyond the toddler stage of independence. Maybe he could get an older dog, one that was already lazy and didn't do much besides sleeping.

Robert kinda pulled him out of the truck and threw an arm around his shoulders before gently pushing him forward. He was getting a dog. Manda would be so excited to see pictures and pet it when she came home for holidays. And honestly, if a dog survived living with Robert and still loved his owner Raymond would manage to find a dog for himself too.

He froze when he entered the building. The guy at the front desk looked like Damien, a lot, but also not at all. Raymond felt like he was staring at a Damien from an alternative reality. His dark hair was in a ponytail, his skin had a healthier taint without his usual pale makeup, and the purple shirt with the glasses made him look like a nerd. It wasn't a bad look at all but still very uncomfortable. Like he wasn't supposed to see this. 

"Uh, can I help you?", Damien asked. He was playing with his hair, a nervous gesture, and Raymond realized that he probably overdid the staring. He should probably apologize. 

God why was he so awkward. Robert chuckled a bit, he didn't look surprised to see a non-goth Damien at all but obviously found Raymond's reaction quite funny. Raymond elbowed him, not too hard but enough to stop his friend from laughing at him. He regretted it instantly, Robert's laugh was just so beautiful, even if he laughed about him.

"I. Sorry, I was just a bit confused. It's weird to see you so casual, but it suits you. Especially the ponytail. Uh. I guess you can help? I was hoping to adopt a dog, maybe?"

Damien smiled and nodded, a bit more relaxed now that no one was staring at him anymore and no one was making fun of him for his unusual looks. 

"Mary is currently showing someone the cats but she should be back any minute"

Fuck. Mary was here? Raymond paled and looked at Robert with big eyes. Robert just shrugged. The Bastard knew. Of course he knew and he still brought him here and Raymond had been too excited at the idea of puppies to realize that Robert was a traitor who brought him here so Mary could finally kill him for sleeping with her husband. Yep, that was the only logical explanation. 

He jumped when Robert put his hand on his shoulder. 

"Relax, Kid. Deep breaths. It's just Mary. Morally dubious, likes her wine a bit too much, but still just Mary. You'll be fine. I won't let my friends kill each other... again"

"Again?" In his nervous state Raymond had realized a second too late that it was one of Robert's morbid jokes.

"You see, back in the day my friend Johnny boy had stolen my other friends ring, not just any ring, his mother's engagement ring which he had planned to use to ask his girl to marry him..."

Raymond couldn’t help but chuckle while Damien just looked confused. "I get it, you're just kidding, or are you? This is the fifth story about Johnny's death you're telling me, I know you too well to believe it anymore" 

"Maybe this time I was going to tell you how he actually died, who knows..."

Robert grinned. He really liked the way Raymond could tell when he was talking bullshit by now, and how he still laughed about it. His laugh in general was cute. Actually, no, Robert thought that Raymond in general was really cute. He stopped his thoughts right there, Raymond was his friend, he needed him as a friend after the shit Joseph had done again, end of story.

They waited in silence for a few more minutes before Mary came back with an older lady who carried a fluffy, fat cat in a box, smiling like she just won the lottery. In a way she probably did, the cat purred even while being carried.

"Hey Robert, didn't think you'd be up so early after last night. Hi Raymond", Mary greeted them, her voice not unfriendly, but maybe that was because there was a customer with a cat present. 

"Would you show them the dogs? I'll take care of the adoption fee", Damien asked her.

"Sure thing, I'll make them adopt all the pups"

Mary walked them to a different room. Raymond was still scared of whatever she was going to tell him as soon as they were alone with Robert and a bunch of dogs. Robert had his arm wrapped around him again - he did that a lot recently, but Raymond really didn't mind. It was calming, gave hin something to focus on, and he just really enjoyed any kind of physical closeness with Robert. 

As soon as the door closed behind them Mary turned to him and started talking. She still didn't seem mad. A bit tired, but more sympathetic than anything else, really.

"How have you two been doing? Two homewreckers enjoying each other's company, huh? I can't believe Joseph still hasn't lost his charm... guess everyone falls for it until they see how he really is, no matter how many warnings you get. You did warn the poor kid, didn't you Robert?"

She eyed him carefully, her glance enough to make even Robert to look nervous, and a bit guilty? Raymond wondered what Mary even meant, two homewreckers? And what was Robert supposed to warn him about? He didn't really want to ask him here, but he'd definitely make sure to do so later. 

"So... you want a dog, yeah? Robert doesn't want to share Betsy anymore? I offer you a deal. I'll forgive you completely for ignoring that I told you to leave my husband alone at the bar and let you join the 'we hate Joseph who personally hurt us'-club, but only if you adopt this dog"

She pointed to a small creature in the corner. Raymond stepped closer, hoping to see the small thing  a bit  better - he really needed to start wearing his glasses.

From this perspective it looked almost like a dog. An ugly dog. Probably the ugliest he had ever seen. His legs were a bit too long and thin for his small body, his huge ears didn't have fur, neither did his back. His skin was dark, almost black, whereas the bits of fur he had on the rest of his body were a light grey. Overall, it looked more than a bat without wings and long legs than a dog, but somehow the big Brown eyes were still absolutely adorable. 

"You see, Bobby has been here forever. Most people who come here look for a family pet or a dog to grow old with, small and pretty enough to show your senior friends. He might not look like much, but he's a good boy, and I love him, and that I'm making you adopt this one means I trust you enough to let you take care of my favorite dog - right after Betsy, that is"

He looked at Mary. She was offering him her favorite dog at the shelter? Even if no one else wanted to have Bobby, that probably meant she didn't hate him. Or he just didn't get the game she was playing with him.

"Uh, Mary, I'm really sorry about your husband.."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. So am I.  You aren't the first man he took to the yacht and who knows if you'll be the last one or not. I don't care anymore. I don't hate you for what you did, you didn't know better I guess. If you give Bobby a loving home I might even like you"

"So the dog is a peace offering?"

"If you want to put it that way..." She actually smiled at him, more honest than usual, less flirty and kind of scary.

Raymond sat down in front of Bobby who started to sniff his hand and wag his tail. Okay, this was adorable. Every dog was adorable. And this one deserved a home too.

"I'll take him"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary sure is... something...
> 
> Bobby is inspired by my uncle's dog who is the ugliest but most adorable thing I've ever seen. If you don't like ugly hairless mix breed dogs we can't be friends, sorry not sorry


	8. Chapter 8

They stopped at the mall on their way back to get everything Raymond  would need to take care of Bobby. The rest of the ride was silent with the dog curled up in his lap and Robert driving.

Raymond couldn't stop thinking about Mary's words. 'guess everyone falls for it until they see how he really is, no matter how many warnings you get. You did warn the poor kid, didn't you Robert?' Warn him about what? And how? Did he just miss the hints or something? He really couldn't recall Robert warning him about anything ever, the man didn't seem to care about danger; if anything he was attracted to it. What was he supposed to do with this knowledge? Amanda would probably tell him to ask Robert about it. At least he imagined her to advise that. He sighed, the imaginary version of his daughter wasn't wrong about this, but then Robert silently took his hand while driving and he felt himself blush and decided to push it aside for now. He had a dog to enjoy and care for. He had Robert, his.. friend. Totally platonic hand holding friend. No other emotions involved, nope, not happening. 

He absent-mindedly started to pet Bobby. At least dogs were unproblematic and less complicated. 

"Wanna get out or what?" Robert interrupted his thoughts, still next to him in the truck and holding his hand, but they were already parked in his driveway. When had they arrived? 

"Uh. Yeah sure. Do you want to come over? Help me set up all the dog stuff, maybe bring Betsy so we can see if they get along? I even have enough stuff in the fridge to get both of us a decent meal I think"

Robert smirked and squeezed his hand for a second. "Sure, I'll go grab Betsy." He turned to leave, then hesitated.

"Are you alright? You seemed pretty lost in thought for the entire ride..."

Raymond hated how easily he got lost in thought sometimes and how Robert always noticed. But then again Robert's concern was kinda cute. He cared about him for some reason. Even tho he was sure that Robert had enough problems of his own, actual problems, not just his pathetic 'I'm kinda heartbroken after a one night stand with a married man and miss my daughter so much I cry every night'.

He forced himself to give a reassuring smile. This was awkward but telling Robert about how much he liked holding hands with him while also wondering endlessly about Mary's words seemed worse. He didn't have to know what was on his mind just yet.

"Sure, yeah, just tired. See you in a few minutes." It sounded fake even to himself. Robert didn't look like he bought it but he didn't say anything anymore so Raymond took his chance to grab Bobby and the newly bought  dog stuff before almost running over to his own house and slamming the door shut behind him.

He was aware that this was ridiculous. Robert would be here again in a few minutes anyway if he didn't freak him out by being so absolutely awkward and just generally bad at being a human being. He groaned. At least he had Bobby. Bobby wouldn't judge him. Bobby did, however, leave him to go run around his new home and sniff at every piece of furniture Raymond owned. Watching the dog was oddly calming, even though Raymond was worried that he'd chew on something at some point.

Then Robert was there again, and somehow all the awkwardness from a few minutes ago was gone. After looking through the dog things together and deciding where to put the bed and water bowl they piled up on the couch for their daily dose of ice road ghost truckers, laughing about some of the less serious parts of the series, legs tangled, arms around each other. Almost cuddling actually. The thought made Raymond blush again and he was suddenly hyper aware of how close their bodies were and how nice Robert smelled when he was showering kind of regularly. Maybe he could get used to this. Raymond let out a content sigh and leaned against the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was super short and sorta not very relevant at all because it's kinda only half the chapter. I'm sorry, I know I said you'd get an actual update today and now you get..my this... I'm still not back home and pretty stressed so just bear with me until I'm actually able to write again please ;^;


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like, really short, and I'm sorry about that, but there will be more. 
> 
> The reason both this and the previous chapter are so short is that they were meant to be just one, longer chapter, but then life happened and I figured that half a chapter was better than nothing

Raymond woke up because somwthing was licking his fingers. He opened his eyes and reached for his nightstand to get his glasses only to find himself unable to sit up. A strong pair of arms was tightly wrapped around him. Huh. Weird, but not bad. It smelled faintly like whiskey and cigarettes and Robert's shampoo.

So these were Robert's arms. Oh. He must've fallen asleep on the couch while watching ice road ghost truckers. Now that that mystery was solved he could take care of the continued licking on his hand. In the darkness of his living room he could make out the statue of Bobby sitting next to the couch. The poor dog was probably waiting for his dinner; a quick glance around the room revealed that it was already dark outside. So much for fixing his sleeping schedule. 

Robert made a disapproving noise when Raymond carefully pushed his arms off of himself but he didn't wake up. He fed Bobby, and, after she gave him the saddest puppy eyes he had ever seen on her, Betsy as well.

He decided to go back to the couch but Robert was now spread out over the entire thing; there was no way Raymond would fit on the sofa as well. He sighed and sat down on the floor next to Robert. The man was beautiful even while he was asleep. How was that even possible? You weren't supposed to be pretty while you were sleeping, most people were kinda gross, but Robert just looked relaxed and peaceful and it was a nice thing to see him like this. Raymond reached out to stroke his hair and then immediately dropped it again. Platonic friends didn't do stuff like that. And sure, they had been pretty touchy for two guys who were just friends recently, but this was too much.he should just... get up and go to his own bed. Maybe throw a blanket over Robert so he wouldn't freeze. That's what 100% platonic friends would do, right? And they were just that. 

He sighed, getting up and leaving Robert alone on the couch seemed incredibly hard but he forced himself to do it anyway. Robert wouldn't be really alone, right? There was still Betsy. She'd probably curl up behind Robert's back soon.

He picked up Bobby on his way upstairs so he wouldn't have to sleep alone either. 

"Why is he so beautiful?", he mumbled to himself, or maybe the dog, once they were both curled up in his own bed. Even with the dog it felt too big for just himself and a tiny pet. Bobby's only answer was soft snores, he was definitely sleeping more and better than his owner.

He sighed again. Robert's presence during the past few weeks had been calming, and he loved how much they were cuddling, or casually holding hands, or just had an arm around each other's shoulders. Their silent cryptid hunting was the most comfortable thing to leave the house for. Robert still didn't talk a lot, but when they did, they were laughing together about stupid jokes, and Robert's smile was so beautiful. If they weren't joking, they could talk about pretty much everything important going on in their lives, and about how they felt, and it want awkward to be that vulnerable around each other. And then, suddenly, everything clicked together.

He had a crush on Robert small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES, I AM ALIVE. And kinda back.
> 
> Things are a bit better now, at least I got my relationship drama sorted out and don't live in complete self isolation anymore. I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff and probably won't update regularly, but I'll try my best to not just disappeareally again for more than a month. 
> 
> Thank you if you're still reading this, it means a lot to me


End file.
